It has always struck me how easily and vividly people remember negative experiences, while they do not remember positive experiences with the same intensity and detail. I asked a group of mothers to tell me about the good qualities they see in their child and, after having considerable difficulty finding them, they told me in the end, somewhat guiltily, that it is easier for them to find the negatives in their children than the positives. Why do our minds tend to focus on the negative rather than the positive?
On the other hand, I met people of particular resilience and strength. I was inspired by this power and found that in many cases something very beautiful and wonderful emerged from the fallout. When I heard the stories of transformation of children and adults in my workplace, something welled up inside me. Hard to keep such a miracle to yourself. That's how the idea for the book started.
Every unresolved negative experience, every wound that remains open and reproduces, is defined as trauma. Trauma is part of our individual identity. Whether it is an individual psychological trauma, or a collective, historical or cultural trauma, our reactions disorganize us and often end up exhausting us.
What about those who experienced childhood trauma? Can there ever be a cure? How is trauma built? What mechanisms preserve memory and nurture pain? Is cultural and collective trauma healing? How can I control my thoughts? How do thoughts develop into a complaint? Can I forgive myself? How much space does the unpleasant event occupy in the mind?
How does the healthy integration of trauma into our lives take place? We need to reconstruct the truths of our childhood, change the glasses we wear, change the story we have been telling ourselves for years now, move and see our life from a different perspective. To give space to ourselves and to the other, to fit in with him existentially, to allow him to relate to us, to co-fit him in us.
With forgiveness, an act of strength and selflessness par excellence, we regain the power we have given to the one who has harmed us and whom we consider responsible for our feelings. Only then are we freed from the burden of thoughts and let the heart widen and embrace them all.
The road to forgiveness and reconciliation is difficult and uphill. Forgiveness is a loving movement towards the other who has harmed us and aims at unity. I don't stay with self-pity and complaint in the problem, I'm not the poor and the victim, but I become part of the solution to the problem. Like the twelve-year-old Anna, who was able to forgive her dead grandmother because she was able to see the event with a different eye. Likewise, the twin brothers, Dimitra and Haris, showed mental resilience and were able to manage the trauma of their parents' separation, the teacher found the courage to apologize in front of the whole school, Spyros can finally bear not being first from everyone and Giannis managed to bring his estranged parents together. Small miracles of everyday people, which awaken the soul and do not let the death of evil touch it.
Trauma and wonder
Stories of resilience and forgiveness
Peli Galitis-Kyrvasilis
